Baby Naming

Naming Ceremonies - not just for babies

2010-07-11T06:33:00.000+10:00

One of the questions most frequently asked of me is if it is all right to have a naming ceremony for an older child. Of course it is. I have performed ceremonies for children up to 13 years of age where, for some reason, they hadn't had a ceremony when a baby.

These ceremonies are often held in conjunction with the naming of a younger sibling, and have a special feel to them because with a baby you are celebrating potential only, with an older child both potential and actual achievements.

Older children often have a very clear idea of what they feel would be appropriate to include in their ceremony, and this adds a great deal to the ceremony.

Til next time ...

What a difference a tablecloth makes

2010-07-06T09:18:00.001+10:00

At a baby naming ceremony you will need a table to sign the register and certificate on, and to hold candles, wishing stones, a guest book or other bits and pieces for use during or after the ceremony.

Often the family plans to serve snacks from the same table afterwards and a simple plastic tablecloth is often the cloth of choice. But what a difference it makes when the "best cloth" comes out (it can easily be swapped for the more serviceable plastic for the party afterwards).

In our busy lives ironing tablecloths has slipped way down on the list of priorities, which is perfect reasonable for every day. But this is a special occasion. Delve into grandma's linen cupboard and borrow one of her hand-embroidered cloths for a very personal touch and way of honouring your child's heritage, or, as a number of my clients have done, use the special quilt made for the baby, or drape a hand-crafted christening shawl across the table. Just be careful if you're planning on using candles as well. A tablemat or large glass plate to protect the cloth from dripped wax is a very good idea.

Til next time ...

Why do you need a celebrant for a naming?

2010-06-20T06:27:00.002+10:00

Recently I had an email from a parent asking if a legal record of a naming ceremony is kept anywhere, and if not why a celebrant is needed.

The formal naming of a child has a community history that predates formal registration. The role of government is limited to recognising and recording the name of a child to the registration of a birth, so naming ceremonies have escaped government control in Australia, although in England registry offices do offer civil naming ceremonies. .

In Australia, a naming ceremony is a family occasion. While I provide lovely naming certificates for the children I name and commenorative certificates for other participants in the ceremony, these are a keepsake rather than a legal document. However, in the extremely highly unlikely case where something has gone wrong in the registration of a birth, and down the track it is discovered that there is no official record, a naming certificate, signed by 5 witnesses, could be used as supplementary evidence of date of birth when attached to a statutory declaration.

As for the question about why a celebrant is needed. Well, legally, a celebrant isn't needed. But emotionally, and aesthetically, a skilled and experienced celebrant can add so much to the ceremony. I've created and conducted a number of naming ceremonies for a second child in the family where the family had not used a celebrant for the naming of the first child, and had regretted it. But I do also understand that there are times when having a celebrant conduct the ceremony on the day is impractical (due to geographic isolation) or not desired for some reason. In such cases I offer a DIY service. For a very affordable fee I create a personalised ceremony for you, provide you with certificates and a beautifully presented keepsake copy of the ceremony that is also suitable for reading from on the day, and leave it to you to organise someone to lead the ceremony.

Harking back to the origin of naming ceremonies this could be the father of the child (in ancient Rome a child was not legally a human or citizen until formally named by his/her father), both parents, a member of the family, or a friend who has the public speaking skills required.

Til next time ...

Back on line

2010-06-19T13:19:00.000+10:00

Along with many others, by changing my ISP I lost access to this blog. However recent changes to Blogger has enabled me to reclaim this blog, so I'm back on line.

Naming ceremonies give me a great deal of satisfaction. Yes, they take as much work as a marriage ceremony, and the market won't bear the same fees, but they give me the opportunity to work with families and make a contribution to the next generation by giving them a documented expression of their family's commitment to them.

I'm coming up to naming my 200th baby, and I can sincerely say that I've enjoyed every single ceremony, and creating something new, fresh and different for each family.

Last weekend it was a naming for two children of a family who had come down from the country to celebrate with the grandparents and great-aunt. We included a water blessing in the ceremony (good tip here, make sure the water is warm) and there wasn't a dry eye in the house as the parents made their promises to the children.

Until next time ....

Civil ceremonies

2006-03-21T03:12:00.000+10:00

The more I learn about the situation with civil ceremonies in other countries, the more I’m convinced that in Australia we’ve got it right, because what is available to families who use civil celebrants is respectful of their values and beliefs, whatever they may be.

Civil naming ceremonies are unheard of virtually everywhere except Australia, New Zealand, and in the UK. And in the UK the registry office, which tightly controls civil weddings, also largely controls civil naming ceremonies.

The big prohibition is religious content – to the extent that if you get married in a civil wedding, or have your baby named in a civil naming ceremony you may not even use music that has certain words, linked with religion, in its title. Here in Australia, if you want to play religious music, have a prayer, or include a religious blessing in a naming ceremony you can. You could even play music like “Jesu, joy of man’s desiring” at your wedding or naming ceremony, whereas, in the UK music played at weddings and naming ceremonies has to be vetted by the registrar.

There are many reasons to have a civil ceremony, and by no means all of those who do opt for a civil wedding, naming, funeral or other ceremony have no religious belief. It may be that they do believe, but don’t want to align themselves with any particular denomination. Or, it may be that, because different members of the family come from different religious and/or cultural traditions, the “safer” option is seen to be a civil ceremony.

But a civil ceremony does not have to be neutral on honouring cultural background. Many of us are “cultural” rather than “believing” adherents to certain religious beliefs or denominations. Within a civil ceremony the various cultural/religious traditions of the family can be acknowledged or referenced.

As I get to know families and start to tease out what their background is, we explore paying tribute to these traditions in different ways. Sprinkling participants with rose petals is a form of silent blessing in many traditions - the reason I like to use rose petals in an actual naming (or, when the baby is a little boy and the father is uncomfortable with rose petals, gum leaves). Crossing a baby’s palm with silver is an old Scottish/Irish tradition. Red eggs and babies go together in Chinese culture. An old German custom is that the children present are asked what the baby should be called and shout it out three times.

In our multicultural society, often it is the grandparents who are the ones from whom the diverse traditions stem. Acknowledging their heritage and tradition within the ceremony is the most graceful way I know of conveying how important they are in the life of the child.

Til next time .....

What should the baby wear?

2005-09-05T18:16:00.002+10:00

One of the questions I'm commonly asked is "What should we dress our child in for his/her naming ceremony?"

The traditional christening robe - long, lacy gown for both sexes - is becoming less and less common for church christenings, and is rather rare for civil naming ceremonies, which tend overall to be quite casual affairs, in terms of dress, that is. But there is no reason why you shouldn't dress your child any way you want.

The traditional christening robe is lovely, but impractical if you're having a backyard barbeque to follow. I've named babies dressed in a wide range of outfits, including

"Heirloom" dresses or suits . These are generally made from fine batiste, linen or viyella and trimmed with smocking, lace, or embroidery. They are expensive to buy, but if there is a grandmother or other relative who would enjoy the challenge of producing a beautiful garment that shows off her fine-sewing skills, why not do her the honour of asking her to make the christening outfit
A "baby" tux - black trousers, white traditional dress shirt and black bow tie
Comfy everyday outfits made from easy to wear fabrics - these are a good choice as the child can wear them afterwards and will feel comfortable on the day
Lovely knitted traditional baby clothes - which look beautiful on a young baby
Fairy costumes - nice for a little girl

White is traditional, but not obligatory - so, the answer to the question is - whatever looks good, feels good, suits your budget and appeals to you is fine. The photos are going to be beautiful whatever the child wears, because it is such a happy occasion and the love everyone is there to demonstrate will shine through the pictures.

Til next time....

Party Favours and Namings

2005-08-22T00:18:00.000+10:00

I have seen all sorts of variations on gifts at Naming ceremonies, but generally they go one way. To the baby.

This weekend I did a naming for a lovely couple who were very careful to let everyone know how welcome they were at the ceremony. As usual, I had ensured that the ceremony was very inclusive, and that everyone present signed a statement of support for the family, but they went the extra mile. In addition to making sure that everyone there was photographed with the baby, we were all presented with an organza bag of chocolates with a lovely thank you note.

Til next time ...

I said no such thing ... gift baskets are by no means the best gift from a godparent

2005-08-17T07:49:00.000+10:00

I was rather taken aback to discover that another blog had manufactured an endorsement by me a couple of days ago. On a blog which supposedly give hot tips about gifts, a statement was made purporting to be an endorsement by me of gift baskets as a gift from godparents, presented as a quote from an article I wrote:

Home-and-Family - Babies-Toddler Ezine Articles One of the best baby or infant gifts that you can give is a gift basket. Naming Ceremonies: Advice for First Time Godparents by Jennifer Cram

I said no such thing! What I said was:

Gifts
The main gift a godparent gives is the gift of self. During the ceremony, you can give a symbolic gift, and of course, you can always give the baby a significant gift to mark the occasion (and every significant occasion from then on!). Of course, it is perfectly acceptable for a godparent to give the naming ceremony as a gift.

You can read the full article at EzineArticles.com/?Naming-Ceremonies-Advice-for-First-Time-Godparents&id=53477

A gift basket would probably be the last gift I'd suggest for a godparent to give their godchild. This is a very significant occasion, and being asked to be a godparent is one of the greatest compliments possible. Any gift you choose should reflect your intentions and/or your culture.

At a recent naming I performed, the godfather was Greek. In keeping with his traditions his gift was a complete outfit of clothing and a gold crucifix on a chain. Before the ceremony, also in keeping with tradition, the godparents dressed the baby in this lovely outfit, including the crucifix, amid much laughter and oohing and ahhing. This added a great deal to the occasion and signalled to everyone the depth of the commitment being made.

Gifts do not have to be expensive to be symbolic and special. If godparents think about what they can bring, from their own knowledge, skills, talents and background, to enrich the child's experience, and choose a gift that is symbolic of that, the message becomes more important than the physical gift. For example, if your thing is books and reading, give the child a book. The book doesn't have to be anything highbrow, but should be chosen with the child in mind. At a ceremony I'm conducting this coming Saturday, we have incorporated into the ceremony the godparent's gift of a classic Australian children's book to signify hopes and intentions for the child to develop a love of books and reading and a concern for the Australian bush.

You wouldn't get anything like that in a generic gift basket.

Til next time ....

A wish for the child

2005-08-14T06:03:00.000+10:00

As part of the naming ceremonies I perform, I encourage parents to express wishes for their child's future. Sometimes we read a poem that includes good wishes for the future, sometimes we recount a short list of wishes, and sometimes we invite others, by means of participating in a small ritual like Wishing Stones, to also state their wishes. These wishes are always framed in the positive. So it was a poignant experience to read a report of a baby naming in Afghanistan during which the baby was passed around, and each woman made a wish banishing a fear from this baby girl's life:

that she not fear the bombs when they inevitably fall;
that she not fear sickness when it inevitably comes;
over and over again, that she not fear men.

Click on Link below to read the full story.

Til next time ....

What is a mother?

2005-08-14T04:21:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I met a very special young man - a Torres Strait Islander who was speaking about the work he does with at risk indigenous youth. He paid wonderful tribute to his mother and his culture as he described how his community relate to each other. In talking about the relationship between children and their parents he said something that is probably the most succinct and profound statement about the responsibilities of parenthood I have ever heard: Mother is the word for god on the lips of a child.

Til next time ...

Unintended humour

2005-08-13T18:05:00.000+10:00

One of the things I do regularly is troll the WWW for celebrancy-related websites and information to make sure that I keep up with what is going on. Every now and then I'm rewarded with something (usually unintended) that says something other than was meant, and hence conjours up mental pictures that brighten the day. Stumbled across another one today on a wedding site:

Pre-Martial Counseling
We offer Pre-Martial Counseling however it is not mandatory. There is no specific number of sessions that you must attend. Pre-Martial Counseling sessions are $60 per hour

I hope this is a trend that doesn't catch on in Australia!

Hint: pre-marital relationship education is a good idea, and delivers immense benefits in making sure you are on the same page as regards parenting.

Til next time

Baby Name Wizard

2005-08-12T23:18:00.000+10:00

I have just stumbled across the Baby Name Wizard Blog http://www.babynamewizard.com/blog/

Have you ever wondered whether your baby's name will affect his/her future earnings? Or what the most popular boys and girls names were in the 1880's (Try Pink for a boy - I kid you not). This blog has it all. Great fun.

Even more fun is the Baby Name Voyager on the same site http://babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/lnv0105.html If you type a name in it will show you a graph of the popularity of the name over the past 100 years. I was intrigued to find that my name was not very popular at the time I was named, but has risen in popularity since. No wonder people think I'm younger than I am ;-)

Til next time

Jasmine and Roses

2005-08-12T07:41:00.001+10:00

We've had an unseasonably warm winter, so the Jasmine is out weeks before I want it to bloom. I often rose petals in the ceremony when naming a baby girl but, for the second time in a couple of months I'll be naming a baby girl with Jasmine as one of her names, so I want to use jasmine flowers along with the rose-petals. So fingers crossed that the weather holds out and the flowers are available - and that they stand up to a two-hour early morning drive to the ceremony venue.

I don't say this beforehand because it puts too much pressure on people, but while on the surface we are naming a baby, in actuality what we are doing is making memories, and I try my hardest to ensure they are all good memories.

Til next time

Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

2005-08-11T23:41:00.000+10:00

I've been listening to Life Matters on the ABC as I've been driving to work this week. Doctor Gordon Livingston, author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: Thirty True Things You Need To Know Now has been talking about things he has learned over 30 years of psychiatric practice.

I was so struck by his simple formula for happiness that I've ordered a copy for myself. Of course, a lot of what he says is about love, and love is stock-in-trade for celebrants (people basically hire us to perform ceremonies because of love). But what he says about happiness is so simple.... Happiness is something we create every day and the ingredients are Someone to love, Something to do, and Something to look forward to.

Til next time

Spontaneity in Baby Naming Ceremonies

2005-08-07T18:57:00.000+10:00

When you first start out as a celebrant you tend to want to ensure that every part of a ceremony is carefully orchestrated. The first time I said "yes" to the request to have someone speak off the cuff at a naming ceremony I had no idea what would happen. Well, it is not often that I tear up during a ceremony, but, along with everyone there, I had moist eyes when the godmother spoke very movingly of all the children in the family, and of the wonderful relationship and parenting of the parents. It wasn't syrupy. She spoke in very matter of fact terms, which made it all the more moving because the message was accessible to everyone present.

Of course, one cannot control what comes out of people's mouths, but in my experience it is always positive, always heartfelt. Just the other day, the uncle, who was doing a reading, stepped forwarded, opened the reading folder and then said he just wanted to say a few words... Again, they were simple words, words which conveyed how much the extended family love the couple and their two boys, and how proud they are of them. It was wonderful.

So, don't try to control everything....what people are moved to say from the heart is better than anything even the most skilled celebrant can script...

Til next time

First time Godparents

2005-07-31T07:20:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I received an email from a first-time Godmother-to-be. Her friend had asked her to be Godmother and she didn't know what was expected of her. I answered all her questions (including what to do about a gift and the Christening Cake), and then turned the email into an article entitled Naming Ceremonies: Advice for First Time Godparents

Topics covered are the role of godparents, gifts, how to dress, and the question of cake. Basically, in a civil naming ceremony, the most important thing is to be authentic to yourself. There is no right and wrong beyond doing what comes from the heart and is authentic to you, to the child and to the family.

Til next time

Wishing Stones and Great Grandparents

2005-07-30T16:19:00.000+10:00

I've just come home from doing a naming ceremony that was absolutely great. The baby has four living great grandparents, two of whom were present, so of course we made a big fuss of them.

As part of the ceremony we had a glass bowl of water on the table and everyone was handed a decorative pebble (bought from one of those garden shops that specialise in pebble mulch) as they arrived. During the ceremony we invited everyone to come up, make a wish out loud for the baby and drop their stone into water. Everyone participated, and the wishes, all made while really engaging with the baby, were varied and personal.

Afterwards, so many of the guests came to me and told me how much that appreciated being part of the ceremony, and the mother wrote later:

We thought the ceremony was beautifully done in a caring manner. All of our guests also said this...

That's one of the big pluses of a civil namegiving, the baby is never an object, but the subject and focus of a ceremony in which the child's community of family and friends actively participate, and I'm sure the remarks made to me, while flattering, really reflected appreciation at being part of the ceremony rather than just admiring spectators.

That experience can only be a positive one for the embedding of the child into that community.

Til next time

Scheduling a Naming Ceremony

2005-07-18T22:48:00.000+10:00

When I first started doing namegiving ceremonies the majority were scheduled for a Sunday, predominantly in the morning (though when potential clients discovered I was already booked for the morning of the particular day they'd chosen, they often did slip their ceremony to the afternoon).

But I'm noticing a change. Over the past few months I'm seeing a shift as more ceremonies (both numerically and proportionately) are being booked for a Saturday. I don't know what has caused this shift, but whatever it is, is must be making it harder for parents to find a suitable celebrant for the day and time they have selected. Saturday is peak time for weddings, also performed by celebrants.

But day of the week is not the only consideration. If you're at the stage of thinking about organising a naming ceremony for your baby, then you already know that babies have their own schedule, which doesn't always align with yours. At certain times of the day they are more sociable, more alert, and more amenable to the sort of activities a naming ceremony involves. For a baby this means being clean, being rested, and not being hungry. So the primary consideration must be choosing a time for the ceremony which fits your individual baby's feeding/sleep schedule.

A namegiving ceremony must always be conducted on "baby time". This means that as well as being scheduled at the best time for the particular baby, there must be enough time to pause the ceremony and tend to the baby's needs (or the needs of another baby present)if the baby needs changing, feeding or generally soothing.

Of course other considerations can include work commitments or travel plans of the guests, but a good celebrant whose schedule fits yours, a relaxed and happy baby, and an environment that is comfortable for all guests, are the ingredients that make for a happy and relaxed ceremony. All it takes is a little bit of juggling and a lot of planning.

Even if you do carefully plan, the child may not always cooperate. But don't stress. Celebrants who do baby namings are used to the unexpected. And sometimes it is the unexpected that makes the ceremony particularly memorable. I remember one ceremony where the child, who was old enough to run, was not impressed with the proceedings and kept taking off. When we got to the naming his father was doing aeroplanes with him to keep him happy. So when I named him, he was laughing, and upside down. I'm sure everyone present will treasure that image.

Til next time ...

Performance Measurement in celebrancy

2005-07-15T22:28:00.000+10:00

I've been fanatical about performance measurement and monitoring for many many years. In my other profession (library and information science) I have always been involved in measuring and reporting on the performance of the libraries I manage, and for a large proportion of that time have had a focus on measuring the impact of libraries services and the value of those services to the funding authority and the community/community of practice which the library serves. You can read some of my papers on my other personal website - the one dedicated to library matters .

In addition to seeking feedback from clients, I also use "tear-measurement" to assist me to gauge client satisfaction with my ceremonies - I count damp eyes because I'm well aware that participants and guests remember how they felt, rather than what precisely was said at a ceremony.

And don't believe that big men don't cry. Fathers are often sooks (Australian for big softie or wimp) at the naming of their children. It warms my heart to see such evidence of their emotional involvement with the children.

I just love this work!

Til next time....

The task of celebrancy - according to Einstein

2005-06-30T05:47:00.000+10:00

I'm sure Albert Einstein wasn't thinking of celebrancy when he wrote the following, but it seems to me to be a great vision-statement for a celebrant

A human being is part of the whole,
called by us the 'universe'
limited in time and space ....
Our task must be to free ourselves from our prison
by widening our circle of compassion
to embrace humanity and the whole of nature in its beauty

Til next time

Children learn what they live

2005-06-25T05:54:00.000+10:00

Probably the most common poem read at Baby Naming Ceremonies is Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law Nolte. And yes, the poem is plural and does have an author. Numerous adaptations of the poem are around, most used in namings are in the singular and have the personal pronoun adjusted to suit the gender of the child.

I've just bought a great little book in which Nolte (who wrote the original poem to explain what her parenting classes covered) explores and expands the meaning of each couplet. It is called Children Learn What They Live: Parenting to Inspire Values.

As Jack Canfield writes in the foreword

No parent I have ever known wakes up in the morning, turns to his or her spouse and says, "I've just thought of four great ways to destroy little Billy's self-esteem. We can judge him, ridicule him, shame him, and lie to him. Nobody sets out to purposely hurt their children, and yet parents often do just that. It's not intentional. It is usually out of unawareness and fear that
parents pass on their own limited beliefs and emotional hang-ups to their children.

When I ask parents what they would like to promise their child as part of my naming ceremonies, I see wonderful creativity, thoughtfulness and love in their responses.

Having read this book, the words I put round the principles of being loving, respectful, affirming and empowering parents, will reflect the poem more closely.

A good read and highly recommended to all parents.

Til next time

Religious content in Baby Naming Ceremonies

2005-06-22T23:32:00.000+10:00

Another FAQ ....Can we have religious references in the ceremony?

Obviously, if you want a fully religious ceremony, you should be contacting your church or religious community.

But there is nothing wrong with having some reference to God, perhaps a prayer, or a reading with a religious bias, included in a civil ceremony - just as there is nothing wrong with having a 100% secular ceremony.

The main thing is that the ceremony should be authentic to you, your family, and your beliefs.

At a ceremony I performed not so long ago, the grandparents were committed churchgoers and the parents of the child were not. So out of respect they asked the grandparents if they would choose and read a passage they felt was appropriate to their beliefs at the ceremony.

It went really well.

Til next time ...

Ceremony Space

2005-06-18T21:51:00.000+10:00

Several weeks ago I conducted a naming for two gorgeous children - a baby and a toddler - at their grandparents home. Nice property with about an acre of ground north of Brisbane. The way they had organised the ceremony space was quite inspired.

They had used the space in front of the garage and arranged it so everyone had a chair, and there weren't too many rows from front to back. The table for signing was a lovely family antique covered with a lace cloth and the backdrop to it all was a screen of golden-cane palms which surrounded the covered barbeque area (where they'd set up the refreshments for afterwards). So from every angle throughout the ceremony, the photographs had a lovely backdrop, and everyone could hear - the only problem was that palm trees often harbour mosquitoes and we were all bitten to death - at 3pm

Obviously, as a celebrant, it is part of my job to ensure that the ceremony space is appropriate. But that can be difficult when the ceremony is held in a private home (as most baby naming ceremonies are).

Still, I've found that paying attention to the following will help to make sure that everyone is comfortable, safe and can see and hear:

Make sure you don't invite more people than the space can accommodate - and even if you have a large outdoor area, the weather isn't always cooperative, so you need to use the inside space you would use in case of rain as your basis for deciding on how many guests to invite
Try and have enough chairs for everyone (children can sit on cushions on the floor/ground in front of the seated adults)
Have the chairs relatively close to the action and try not to have too many rows of them
Make sure the table provided for the signing of the naming certificate and register is stable
Check on external noise - over-flying aircraft, building construction, lawn mowers and powertools can all drown out a ceremony. Try to pick a time for the ceremony that both suits the baby's routine and is relatively quiet. If you have a good relationship with your neighbours it is a good idea to let them know when the ceremony is being held and ask that they don't use tools or lawnmowers during that time
Check that all areas that are hazardous to children (ponds, pools etc) are secured
Provide shade on hot days
And if you have native Australian plants or palms that hold reservoirs of water in which mozzies can breed, spray the area well before the ceremony!

Despite the mozzies it was a lovely, happy ceremony and the photos were great.

Til next time ...

Why Baby Naming?

2005-06-10T21:25:00.000+10:00

I've been creating and conducting baby naming ceremonies (aka namegivings) for some time, and I'm continually surprised by three things:

How often the people who engage me have never been to a civil naming, but just know they want some formal ceremony to name and welcome their child into their family and immediate community but have no idea of what it consists of.
How often wonderful spontaneous expressions of love and support and really heart-warming evidence of really good parenting occur during a naming ceremony
How often, during the ceremony preparation phase clients introduce a request for something they'd like at a naming ceremony by saying "If we're allowed.....

My response to No 3 is commonly a threat to take a baseball bat to their heads if I ever hear those words coming out of their mouths again.

Seriously, folks, when you hire a civil celebrant, you have the cheque book, you are in charge.

The role of a civil celebrant, as I see it, is to be an inspired listener, extracting from you information about what you feel and need and would like, and then to be a facilitator who uses that information to make suggestions and develop a ceremony that meets your needs.

Til next time